Master (#2)

Ever Forward, Never Backward

Nike+: 7.18 @ 1:00:54 (8:28/mile)
Weather: about 40 degrees and felt like 30 (very rainy and windy earlier in the day)
Gear: Black tights, black long-sleeve shirt, neon hat, gloves, headlamp
Dark Horse and I met up at Posscoon's house after work. We wasn't there immediately, so we chilled with Tana and stretched out a little bit.
This run included several hills. I was most worried about Chapel Hill (going up to Fairview), but as Dark Horse noted, it was really the other side of Chapel Hill (going back east) that kicked our asses. It was cool to see my buds going down Chapel Hill when I was going up - we cheered for each other and slapped hands. But they're still bastards.
I felt like I took a step forward, so to speak, on this run. Despite the tightness in my thighs, the cramps in my stomach and the other treble frequencies running through my mental membrane, I felt real good on this run. It was like my legs were on auto-pilot. Going down Stadium (east), I hit a groove. Sure, I had a cramp somewhere in my upper torso, but it didn't really phase me. This is when running reminds me of life. It's just a matter of time before things get better - I don't even have to try real hard to make it so. No need to struggle, resist or fight. Just keep going. Uncomfortable runs will no doubt follow, but that's what makes this shit worth doing.
Sometimes when I'm running, my mind reminds me of past failures. It's like a part of me is saying, "You're not good enough to do this. Don't ever forget that deep down you're really a quitter, a cheater, a failure." To be honest, these are difficult thoughts to shake. Why do I concentrate on my weaknesses? I try to remember the deer. Ever forward, never backward.
On this topic, a wise friend of mine recently wrote:
"Running became a respite for me. A retreat from the world of my everydays. 8-5 I was a zombie, but at 5 I became a runner; zipping past others on the trail and it felt good. It was my own special place where I could let my brain wander and think about all the things that nagged at me. Where I found my chi. My zen. My home. Out there on the trail.
I've never looked back. I run better now than I ever did in high school. Mostly because I have self-confidence. I know I'm not the best runner, but I run as hard as I can anyway. I have goals that I might never attain, but I might someday. That's not why I run though.
When I go out running I get to fight that internal battle that most people give up on themselves every day; the battle between my ears. I see so many people quit on themselves because of this reason or because of that reason. It's easier that way. But last Saturday is the only evidence you'll ever need that quitting is easy and easy is worthless. Fighting is hard and it's the hard things in life that make life worth living. It's such a damn cliche but it's a reason it's repeated to the point of exhaustion. It's because it's fucking true.
I run because it's one of the few things in my life I have control over. I get to decide when I stop. I get to decide whether I stop at the top of that hill or after mile 6, 7, 8, 12. I decide how hard I push myself. No one else.
And of course, running is the ultimate metaphor for life's journey. In the past few years, through running, I have overcome many of my internal barriers. I haven't beaten them all down but I've started. I've found that the biggest battle you'll ever fight is just getting to the starting line. Just beginning is the hard part, because once I've started, how could I ever give up on myself?
So my running mirrors my life. I struggle up hills and I glide down them. I pass by things like the river of time. When we ran past the Burr Oak all I could think about was how timeless it was and how transient it makes us all seem. We're all just passing through this world, experiencing everything as we move by. The moment we start looking backwards or trying to freeze a moment we stop living. To live is to move. To keep moving. So I run, to keep moving, to keep living.
All the battles, all the triumphs, the lost time, the regrets, the goals, the sweat, the tears, the adrenaline. Every time I lace them up. I run to live."
I got to see Pookie Face when I was going south on Forum today. She was driving home (north) and honked. She said later that she liked my new neon hat. Pookie Face will always inspire the best I have to offer. She's the best thing in my life.

Running Deer Meets Standing Deer

Nike+: 3.06 @ 27:57 (9:07/mile)
Weather: about mid-60s (high was in the 70s today)
Gear: Wore short shorts, a white running shirt and my 1/2 marathon hat. After the chafing issues w/ my water bottle belt on Saturday's run, I bought a bottle to carry with me in my hand. It has a strap and holds about 22 ounces. Worked out nicely.

Ran this one with Posscoon after work. We met at his crib and walked down to the MKT where we headed west. But before we got started, we paused near the water where we found several deer waiting for us. At about the half-way point of my marathon training (week 9), the deer were there to remind me of something. The air was cool and the light was fading. They whispered, "Ever forward, never backward." And in an instant, they were gone.

A Runner and a Wrestler

This is the lower right side of my back. I guess I should have worn a shirt to protect my skin from my water bottle holder. Lesson learned.
Nike+: 12.69 @ 1:53:12 (8:54/mile)
Weather: about 60 degrees

Saturday morning, Dark Horse, Posscoon and I got things going about 9:30 a.m. As anticipated, we re-traced the Columbia Half-Marathon Challenge. My watch indicated that I ran about .24 miles short of the last time I ran this route, but I'm not sure why. I ran the exact same course. I'm going to assume that my pedometer was wrong - perhaps the mud on the Hinkson trail messed things up. With a 1:53:12 time, I beat my previous half-marathon time by a few seconds. Considering that I had no intention to do so, I was quite pleased. I was just running.

I wore the same outfit as last time - orange shorts with skulls, no shirt and my St. Louis 1/2 Marathon hat. Unlike other runs, I took a bottle of water with me in a waist belt. This was both a good and bad thing. The upshot was that I kept somewhat hydrated. The downside was that the belt served as a constant annoyance and rubbed my skin raw. Throughout most of the run, the belt pulled on my gut. I am going to have to come up with a better option/solution. Perhaps I'll carry a bottle, with a strap, in my hand next time.

I'd have to say that I wasn't really looking forward to this run today. My upper legs were especially tight but cardo-wise, I felt alright. At mile number 7, at the top of Old 63, I drank water for the first time and poured it on my head and upper torso. I took another drink and douse later in the run, but I don't remember exactly when I did so.

After the run, as mentioned, I felt pretty good. This was the fourth time in my life that I have run a half-marathon and the best that I've felt after doing so. I was fairly energetic for the next few hours and even took Sly on a walk for more than a mile. Soon thereafter, I crashed on the couch with Mary while watching Goldfinger and slept for about 2 hours. When Abby called and asked me to help her move her coffee table, I somehow managed the energy to do so. Mary and I were quite grateful for her offer to take us to dinner at Hu-Hot.



Yesterday, Mary and I went to see The Wrestler. It was quite good, but also disturbing. The lead role, Randy "The Ram" Robinson, reminded me of my dad. He's a tragic character who elicits both sadness and anger from those near him. A self-induced martyr who brings out the worst in himself, and consequently, feels the consequences - loneliness. When The Ram apologized to his daughter and asked her not to hate him, I couldn't help but think of my dad and similar conversations. A child can be forgiving of a parent, but not forever. Despite his intentions, The Ram's fuck-ups severed a relationship with his daughter. The same can be said of my dad, too. I think they both held low opinions of themselves and sought physical and emotional pain to further the cause. Randy used wrestling as an outlet - getting beat on, stapled with a staple gun, thrown into barb wire, hit with glass and metal objects - all to paradoxically bring comfort to his sense of being and self-loathing. But I can't say I'm indifferent to these types. I will always feel something, whether sympathy or rage, when my dad crosses my mind. The Ram said that he belonged in the ring and that the 'real world' is where he really got hurt. He also said that he was lonely and that he deserved to be so. I believe all of it. The Ram wanted to be a good dad, but he didn't think he deserved to be loved and he made sure his daughter wouldn't trust him. It's a tragic story for all involved.

I'm not exactly sure where my anger originates, but I know that I hold a lot of it. The trick is letting go and not allowing shit to continue to roll downhill. Seen?

When I'm out there running and I'm bored out of my mind, I just keep putting one foot in front of another. There is always a finish line. I'll see you there.

It's Light Outside. That's Strange.

Running Deer and Posscoon (he just got hitched)

Nike+: 3.04 @ 25:32 (8:22/mile)
Weather: about 50 degrees
Because the weather was so nice, I ran with Posscoon - outside stylie. We tried to recruit Dark Horse but he gave us some shit about how he loves the inside track at the Rec. Or was it something about a whip with a female on the end of it? I can't remember.
Anyway, Posscoon and I started running from his driveway. About 1/4 later, we jumped on the MKT trail and headed west. I was curious about how my Nike+ system would work on the trail. Fortunately, it worked perfectly and seems to be calibrated just right. This is good news b/c it means that I'm running about the exact distance that my watch reads.
This was a good run and everything felt to be in working order. We even had daylight.
Nic and I chatted most of the way. He took pity on me and kept things at my pace.
Tomorrow is Saturday which means we have a long run. The upside = nice weather. The downside = 1/2 marathon. We're going to re-trace the Columbia Half-Marathon that all 3 of us have run in the past. I am thinking about taking things a little slower and trying to mimic my goal marathon pace, but we'll just have to see what happens.

Why Run?

Anytime Fitness - treadmill
Nike+: 6.01 @ 52:50 (8:46/mile)
Weight: 173.8 (before) - 170.8 (after)
I intended to run outside today, but b/c I didn't leave work until 6 p.m., I decided to run on the treadmill. I just wasn't up for a cold run in the dark, I guess.
I really don't believe that treadmills are an accurate measure of my effort. I think it's far easier to run outside but I'm not sure why. Although I ran an 8:46/mile, I felt like I was running much faster (I did, in fact, speed up as the run progressed).
As I ran, I imagined myself on the 6-miler that starts at Forum/MKT and continues to Stadium, Providence, Green Meadows and then Forum. Not sure if the imagery helped, but it gave me something to think about.
Training at this point is starting to get a little annoying and a little boring. It's weird to be out there running (whether on a treadmill or the MKT or the streets). It's just me and my thoughts. Running and running and running. I really honor those who do this kind of thing all the time - habitual marathoners. It's not easy or even fun. I wonder why people do it? Maybe I'll try to come up w/ an answer during my next few runs.

Kicking It - Inside Stylie

Nike+: 3.00 @ 25:30 (8:30/mile)
Ran on treadmill at Anytime Fitness. Started out nice and easy at about a 9:30/mile and kicked things up for the last two-thirds, especially the last 1.5 miles.