Before the Storm and Ryan Adams

Ryan Adams and The Cardinals at the Missouri Theatre on Thursday, February 26th


Thursday, February 26th
Nike+: 4.01 @36:27 (9:04/mile)
Gear: Shorts, white short-sleeve shirt, **NEW shoes**
Weather: about 60 degrees
Although my Nike watch read 4.01 miles, I'm pretty sure I ran somewhere closer to 4.28. I wore my new Nike shoes and have not calibrated the new sensor. I think I ran close to an 8:30/mile pace.
This was a difficult run for me. My legs hurt pretty good and I found my breathing to be somewhat difficult, but at least I was out there. I ran with Dark Horse and followed his lead -he had a great line about how it's probably a good thing we didn't know each other back in the day. I think he may be on to something. But on the flip side, life is long. We still gotz some room for memories (maybe just not mammories).
After the run, I went home and walked Sly. About 1/2 way through the walk, the rain came down. We got soaked, but Sly didn't seem to mind. I wanted to make sure he stretched his legs before we left the house and went to see Ryan Adams at the Missouri Theatre.
Because we arrived at the concert an hour early, Mary, Dark Horse and I decided to go to Shakespeare's. There, I saw Mary Kay Blakely. It was great to see her. We invited her to the crib on Rothwell for dinner. She's still working on her book and expects to travel this summer - outside of the U.S. Maybe South America? She introduced me to her brother and told him about me reading her book during my honeymoon in St. Thomas.
Once Kristina showed up, we finished our business and went to the show. Ryan Adams compared the concert to an NPR experience. He's right. People sat in their chairs and nodded their heads. Kind of calm, but good nonetheless. Mary and I sat next to the sound guy and everything hit us in the chest. It was a good show. Sometimes there's nothing better than sitting in the dark and listening to music.
After Ryan finished (no encore), we went to Snapper's and met up with Jason, Kristina, Kevin Crowe and his girlfriend. We stayed until 11:45 and then went home. I was kind of tired this morning. I didn't eat much last night and my muscles are sore. I need to re-group.
Dark Horse and I ate Chipotle for lunch.
This weekend = 16 miler (and True/False Film Festival)
I also just found out that the Arrow Rock book is up for consideration in the PIctures of the Year International Book Award Category. We'll see what happens. I doubt it'll do anything.

8 is Enough

Nike+: 8.0 @ 1:09:30 (8:40/mile)
Gear: Black shorts, white short-sleeve shirt, headlamp, blinking wristband
Weather: about 60 degress at run time (5:35 p.m.)
Ran this one with Posscoon from his cavern. Dark Horse would have run with us but he had to meet Kristina at the Rec Center so he ran a different route. Posscoon took pity on me again and ran alongside the Running Deer - definitely slower than his normal pace. We actually ended up running all the way to Anytime Fitness on Scott Boulevard - kind of ironic that we ran to my gym and then turned around.
At about the 5 mile mark, the sun's light left us. We turned on our headlamps and kept moving. Had to dodge a pitbull on Chapel Hill and a couple cars on Stadium but we eventually made it to the sanctuary of the trail with only 1/2 mile to go. The temperature dropped as we ran but felt good. I finished with a little slower time than I thought I would but I'm not too worried about it - I'm definitely not 100%. My damn nose is running more than my legs. Need rest.
Check out the elevation on this run - it ain't no joke.

Post Illness Run on the Trail

Posscoon in Indiana (post-run)

Tuesday, February 24th
Nike+: 4.08 @ 34:21 (8:24/mile)
Gear: Tights, black/red long sleeve top, neon cap
Weather: lower to mid-40's
I intentionally over-dressed for this run because I haven't been feeling too well that past couple of days and I wanted to be sure and stay warm. I even took off of work on Monday and 1/2 day on Tuesday. I'm not sure what illness I suffer from but I sure as hell hope it's not similar to last year when I was basically sick for 6 weeks. I think I've got some serious allergy issues and running in the wind on Saturday for more than 2 hours probably didn't help. I basically stayed horizontal all day Sunday and Monday. Now I'm dealing with a sore throat, runny rose, aching body and the beginning of a cough. I have got to shake this shit and move forward.
Met up with Posscoon at his cavern after work and changed clothes there before hitting the trail for a 4-miler. We talked about our respective 15 mile runs. Ol' Posscoon ran 15 miles into the wind when he went to Indiana this past weekend - snow in his face and everything. He said he alternated putting his hand over his eyes the latter part of the run until he finished and his friends met him at a bar where a Vietnam Vet bought him a couple shots of whiskey.
Our 4-miler was pretty straight forward w/ not much to report, although Posscoon did have some serious chafing issues and had to run bow-legged for awhile.
We ran all 4 miles on the trail. Started at the point where Posscoon's neighborhood intersects the MKT and headed west until we hit Forum.
Felt good to stretch the legs.
After the run, I went to El Maguey on Broadway (across from Hy-Vee) to pick up some chicken fajitas to-go. The guy at the register asked me if I'm still running. I asked him how he knew that I was a runner. He said that he's seen me at a few runs - First Night 5K and the Columbia 1/2 Marathon. I told him that I was training for a full marathon in St. Louis. He said that he'd like to do the Heart of America this year. I told him he should do it - especially since it's the 50th anniversary of the run. Speaking of which, I was contacted by some members of the Columbia Track Club who want to use my photos from last year's Heart of America race in this year's brochure. The guy's name at El Maguey is Pepe. I told him I'd see him on da' streets.

Longest Run of My Life

Saturday, February 21st
Nike+: 15.20 @ 2:15:48 (8:55/mile)
Gear: Tights, black long-sleeve shirt, black wife-beater under long-sleeve shirt, gloves, neon cap, one Accel Gel, no H20 bottle
Weather: slightly below 30 degrees, wind chill about 17 degrees, very windy when running west (20-25 mph)
I was not looking forward to this run. I woke up on Saturday morning with a headache, so I took a couple Ibuprofen. Unfortunately, the medicine didn't immediately work. I also heard from my mom, via a text message, that the wind was biting. A headache, a biting wind and 15 miles of running do no necessarily make a good recipe. I was also a little concerned about how my legs would feel at the end of the day when I was scheduled to photograph a Mardi Gras party in downtown Columbia. After some procrastination, including 3 poops, I put on my gear and got ready to go.
I left the house and headed south. After about a mile or so, I really heated up. It was less than 30 degrees outside, but I felt like it was much warmer. This was the hottest part of the run for some reason. As I continued, I cooled down. Part of this was due to the wind that I would later face. But for the few miles, the wind wasn't really that noticeable. After about 3.5 miles, and the disappearance of my headache, I exited Stadium Blvd. and entered the MKT trail where I headed west. There was snow beneath my feet. I saw a few runners on the MKT and they were dressed in cold weather gear. After about a 1.5 miles on the trail, I arrived at the water fountain beneath Forum where I stopped to take a drink. I then exited the trail and headed south on Forum - this is a noticeable hill, but really didn't feel too bad. It was when I hit Nifong that things got interesting. This is where I found the wind waiting for me - hidden around a corner waiting to smack me in the face after I had about 6.5 miles under my belt. I said aloud, "Bring it on motherfucker." And Mother Nature did. She came at me pretty good for the next 2.5 miles while I worked my way west to Scott Blvd. Once I got back on the trail at Scott/MKT, I stopped at the water fountain, but only found hot water. I nonetheless took a few sips and even splashed some on my face. I don't know why it was hot. The next two miles, from 9 to 11, were all on the trail. At about mile 10, I started feeling pretty beat up. This is when I took an Accel Gel out of my pocket and spilled about 1/2 of it on the ground when I ripped it open. I squeezed the remaining amount into my mouth and stopped again at Forum/MKT to get some water and wash everything down. I then exited the trail and started north up Forum. I think the gel really helped my energy level for the rest of the run. For the most part, I felt pretty good.
At the bottom of Stadium, after facing wind from the west again, I hit the 13 mile mark - equal to my longest runs in the past. Not surprisingly, I faced about a 3/4 mile mile at this spot. Nothing worth anything comes easy when you're running. I remember thinking, "This is new territory. I've never run more than 13 miles. I feel good." I didn't really have any doubts that I'd make it. Two miles later, I ran north on Rothwell Drive land finished in front of the house at 15.20 miles. I was a little surprised to see that I averaged less than a 9-minute mile - especially since I stopped 3 times for water. There were also several serious hills on this route - gotz to keep it real.
One of the downsides to running this far is that it takes a toll on my body. I pretty much took things easy the rest of the day and stayed horizontal on the couch. I hope that as I keep doing these long runs that my body recovers more quickly.
This was a great run. I didn't really have any terrible moments. I heard later from Dark Horse that he survived his run, too. We were not literally together, but we were in spirit. Haven't heard from Posscoon, but I'm sure he was out there keeping us company.
When I went to the Mardi Gras party last night, I found out it was happening. Evidently the person who originally contacted me, didn't let me know that the event was cancelled. This was very disappointing. So I went home, watched some more tv, and spoke to my friend Christian, who lives in Philly. My throat began to hurt and when I woke up this morning, Sunday, my throat was quite sore. Not sure what's happening, but I'll probably take things real easy today. I did sleep well last night, so perhaps I just need to keep resting.
As I mentioned in the beginning, I didn't want to take on this run. My head hurt, the wind was blowing up to 25 MPH and I was going to be on my own. But sometimes I just have to show up. And that's what happened.

4 with Pookie Face

Thursday, February 19
Nike+: 4.15 @ 37:02 (8:54/mile)
Weather: about 25 degrees
Gear: Tights, black long-sleeve shirt, gloves, neon cap, headlamp
I was going to run this 4-miler at Anytime Fitness, but then on my way to the gym, I saw two dudes running up Stadium. I literally turned out of the left lane that would have led me to a treadmill and just kept going straight. If those guys were running outside, then I should too. One dude was even wearing shorts and not a hat - kind of stupid in 25 degree weather, but motivational nonetheless.
I asked Pookie-Face if she wanted to go with me and she agreed; we left from the house and ran to Chapel Hill and back. Usually Pookie-Face doesn't want to run w/ me, but she took a chance and ended up enjoying herself. We chit-chatted along the way and I got an ear-full about her day at work - kind of a good way for both of us to de-stress the day's events.
This was a good run with a nice, consistent pace in enjoyable weather (granted we were dressed for it). Got a little dark before we hit the half-way mark, but still wasn't too bad since I had on my headlamp.
Gotta do a 15-miler this weekend. My thighs hurt from the past three days but I'll be ready. Posscoon will be in Indiana and Dark Horse will be in Kansas City. It'll be the first time since the three of us starting doing long runs together that we'll be on our own. It'll also be the longest distance that each one of us has ever run. I'll be thinking about my brother warriors while I sojourn the lonesome valley.

Stepped on Treadmill at 10:00 PM

Nike+: 7.03 @ 59:40 (8:29/mile) - Anytime Fitness
Weight: 174.4 (before) and 171.8 (after)
Today, Wednesday, was busier than I would have liked. I've been busy posting pictures on the Mizzou Live Wire Blog for the past few days. It feels good to get my stuff out there, though. From the Beauty & the Beast event on Friday night, to basketball against Nebraska on Saturday to wrestling against Iowa State on Sunday, I'd say I had a good weekend of shooting.
Anyway, I decided to photograph Ishmael Beah and his mother Laura Simms tonight when they spoke at Jesse Hall at 7 p.m. Ishmael wrote a book called A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier and was adopted by a woman in New York after he survived the war in Sierra Leone. This is someone who killed people at the age of approximately 13 years old. His book has sold more than 600,000 copies - slightly more than the Arrow Rock book I worked on that has sold a few hundred copies. That was a joke. Before the venue began, I had an opportunity to meet Ishmael and his mom behind stage. There was talk that they might be interested in a formal portrait, but due to their busy schedule this week, an opportunity didn't surface. Ishmael was so tired on Friday that he went to his hotel to rest and even cancelled an event.
To be honest, I can't say I learned much from Ishmael's presentations. Perhaps this is because I was taking pictures and not actually actively listening. Ironically, I did hear him say that listening is just as important as speaking. Ishmael did not talk about being a boy soldier. Instead, he concentrated on the idea of 'storytelling.' If nothing else, I do believe that everyone has a story to tell. It's just a matter of telling it.
Because I didn't go home after work, but stayed to photograph Ishmael and Laura, I ran after their presentation. This meant that I stepped on the treadmill when the 10 o'clock news began. I started out relatively slow and sped up as I felt better. There were parts of this run when I just wanted to stop and go home. But I kept going and eventually finished at 11 o'clock.
It was a long day, but I'm glad I didn't postpone the run. After a hot shower, I slept well.
Between work and the presentation, I hung out with Posscoon and reviewed his photography portfolio. The dude is a very solid shooter with an eye for grit. It's funny that he wants to take pictures of clouds and rainbows. I think he's best when doing the opposite. But wtf do I know? I'm just glad he showed me his stuff. POY is the season and Posscoon is gold.

Propensity for Genius - I Bet that's What You Tell All the Guys

Nike+: 3.09 @ 24:45 (8:00/mile)
Weather: 45 degrees
Gear: Tights, black/red long-sleeve top, neon cap, headlamp (no gloves)
Ran this one after work today. Started on 5th/Elm, south on Providence, west on Stadium to bottom of hill and back.
Although this run wasn't too long, there were some hills to get things challenging. I finished huffing and puffing. Probably ran a little too fast on this one, but I just couldn't help myself. Or something like that.
Got a massage yesterday (Pookie Face's Valentine's Day treat) at Massage Envy for $39. The light was dim and the atmosphere was relaxing. Felt good to lie down and get rubbed.
The masseuse spent quite a bit of time on my neck/shoulders and my legs - she didn't even have time to get to my back. She said my legs were tight, but not too bad. She also said that I have a propensity for genius so I'm not real sure she knew what the hell she was talking about. Anyway, it felt pretty good. If I could afford it, I'd get massages after every single long run. But that's not going to happen. Kneeding the thighs is a good substitute.
Oh, I have to run 15 miles this weekend and the three stooges will not be running together. Not looking forward to it.

1/2 Way to St. Louie...It's All Uphill from Here

Saturday, February 14
Nike+: 10.03 @ 1:23:02 (8:16/mile)
Weather: somewhere between 25 and 30 degrees
Gear: Tights, black long-sleeve shirt that Mary gave me, wind-proof undies, neon cap and gloves (no H20 bottle or gels)

I picked up Dark Horse and met up with Posscoon at the MKT trail entrance off of Stadium (MLK Memorial) at 8:30 a.m. Although the temperature was below 30, we didn't seem to mind. I think we've built a tolerance to our surroundings - particularly after running around the Burr Oak when the wind chill was zero a few weeks ago.
I didn't really prepare myself with an appropriate meal on Friday night, but I did eat a PowerBar on Saturday morning. Mentally, I felt confident that I'd do well on this run. And I did. I maintained an 8:16/mile for 10 miles which is pretty good for me. I attribute the faster pace to training on hills for the past 9 weeks and taking things a little slower the previous week. The hills have developed stronger legs and a slower pace on previous mid-week runs has allowed me to heal-up. The trail is almost completely flat and I'm sure my body noticed a difference. I ran this same exact route on September 2, 2007 - a week before I competed in the Chicago Half-Marathon - and at that time it took me 1:27:34 (8:44/mile). And then when I ran the actual Chicago race a week later, my mile average dropped to a 9:35/mile. In my two later half-marathons my official race times ended up being faster than my training runs. Don't really know how it all works, but those are the facts.
While Posscoon was calibrating his gear at the 1-mile marker, I passed him and he caught up with me not too long thereafter. His upper right leg was hurting pretty bad and he considered stopping. But then he said, "What does not kill me, makes me stronger, right?" and he took off. I wished him luck - it ain't easy to run when you feel good, never mind being in pain. At about the half-way mark when Dark Horse and Posscoon were on their way back, I slapped their hands. As the anchor man, I kept the torch burning, although I have to admit that after taking off my gloves, my hands did get quite cold later in the run.
I tried to keep my mind positive on this run. I see running as my time to escape - and that brings freedom to think about whatever I want to. It makes sense to tune into as much bass frequency as possible and ignore all the treble-some pitches that distract me from the task at hand. Enjoy the run - it just doesn't make sense to bring along a lot of baggage to slow me down. Nonetheless, some days are better than others.
I finished strong on this run and felt tired, but not exhausted. After a few minutes of chit-chat, the three of us loaded up and left the parking lot. Our sweat was beginning to induce coldness.
After I arrived home, I ate a quick lunch and packed up my photo gear to go shoot the MU-Nebraska basketball game. My legs were a little sore as I sat on the court, but not too bad. Once I got back home, I laid on the couch for a couple of hours and took it easy.
It was Valentine's Day and Mary and I had a reservation at Sycamore. I ate steak and everything was good, but not great. I think my expectations were too high. It was good to go out with Pookie Face for a nice dinner, though. Later in the evening, we had a fire and smoked up the downstairs room pretty good. I think there's something wrong with our fireplace insert, but eventually things aired out and it was all good.
This marks the halfway point in training. Nine weeks down and nine weeks to go. We've all registered (Dark Horse - you've registered, right?) and we've all got hotel reservations. Will we all make it to the starting line? What's in store for us in the next two months of training? I've got some fears when I think about it, but for the most part, I feel pretty good about the whole deal. Thousands, or millions, have run marathons before me. It ain't that big of deal. But then again, it is my first one. I told Posscoon that life is long. He posed, "I thought it was short?" I think it's both. And one thing is for sure - I don't get a re-do. This is it. Will I have regrets at the end of my life-marathon? Yes I will. But I'm trying to keep those to a minimum. As I continue to follow and to run the path that's ahead of me I keep in mind my 11th grade AP English teacher's advice: "Do well."
The ultimate race is with myself. Balancing ego with what I really enjoy is my current mission. And to right my wrongs. It may sound stupid, but recently I've been considering the anthem, "Pay it forward." Or as my mom used to say, "What goes around, comes around."

Old Territory via New Route

Run on Thursday, February 12th
Nike+: 4.13 @ 36:09 (8:44/mile)
Gear: Shorts, long-sleeve white shirt, neon cap, headlamp and H2O bottle.
Ran this one w/ Posscoon after work. We met at his new cavern and after re-thinking the MKT and its probable slushy whereabouts (due to rain), Posscoon led me on a run thru campus. We started on the west side and ended up on the east side. Went up and down some hills, but nothing too major - touched Stadium/Ashland and came back. Even traversed by Posscoon's old abode where Ricky Volcano came to be. We chatted along the way and everything was good.
Upon finishing, we posed the questions: Should Posscoon have been a diving coach? Should Running Deer have kept on being a wrestling coach? We decided the answer was no. Ever forward, never backward.

Master (#2)

Ever Forward, Never Backward

Nike+: 7.18 @ 1:00:54 (8:28/mile)
Weather: about 40 degrees and felt like 30 (very rainy and windy earlier in the day)
Gear: Black tights, black long-sleeve shirt, neon hat, gloves, headlamp
Dark Horse and I met up at Posscoon's house after work. We wasn't there immediately, so we chilled with Tana and stretched out a little bit.
This run included several hills. I was most worried about Chapel Hill (going up to Fairview), but as Dark Horse noted, it was really the other side of Chapel Hill (going back east) that kicked our asses. It was cool to see my buds going down Chapel Hill when I was going up - we cheered for each other and slapped hands. But they're still bastards.
I felt like I took a step forward, so to speak, on this run. Despite the tightness in my thighs, the cramps in my stomach and the other treble frequencies running through my mental membrane, I felt real good on this run. It was like my legs were on auto-pilot. Going down Stadium (east), I hit a groove. Sure, I had a cramp somewhere in my upper torso, but it didn't really phase me. This is when running reminds me of life. It's just a matter of time before things get better - I don't even have to try real hard to make it so. No need to struggle, resist or fight. Just keep going. Uncomfortable runs will no doubt follow, but that's what makes this shit worth doing.
Sometimes when I'm running, my mind reminds me of past failures. It's like a part of me is saying, "You're not good enough to do this. Don't ever forget that deep down you're really a quitter, a cheater, a failure." To be honest, these are difficult thoughts to shake. Why do I concentrate on my weaknesses? I try to remember the deer. Ever forward, never backward.
On this topic, a wise friend of mine recently wrote:
"Running became a respite for me. A retreat from the world of my everydays. 8-5 I was a zombie, but at 5 I became a runner; zipping past others on the trail and it felt good. It was my own special place where I could let my brain wander and think about all the things that nagged at me. Where I found my chi. My zen. My home. Out there on the trail.
I've never looked back. I run better now than I ever did in high school. Mostly because I have self-confidence. I know I'm not the best runner, but I run as hard as I can anyway. I have goals that I might never attain, but I might someday. That's not why I run though.
When I go out running I get to fight that internal battle that most people give up on themselves every day; the battle between my ears. I see so many people quit on themselves because of this reason or because of that reason. It's easier that way. But last Saturday is the only evidence you'll ever need that quitting is easy and easy is worthless. Fighting is hard and it's the hard things in life that make life worth living. It's such a damn cliche but it's a reason it's repeated to the point of exhaustion. It's because it's fucking true.
I run because it's one of the few things in my life I have control over. I get to decide when I stop. I get to decide whether I stop at the top of that hill or after mile 6, 7, 8, 12. I decide how hard I push myself. No one else.
And of course, running is the ultimate metaphor for life's journey. In the past few years, through running, I have overcome many of my internal barriers. I haven't beaten them all down but I've started. I've found that the biggest battle you'll ever fight is just getting to the starting line. Just beginning is the hard part, because once I've started, how could I ever give up on myself?
So my running mirrors my life. I struggle up hills and I glide down them. I pass by things like the river of time. When we ran past the Burr Oak all I could think about was how timeless it was and how transient it makes us all seem. We're all just passing through this world, experiencing everything as we move by. The moment we start looking backwards or trying to freeze a moment we stop living. To live is to move. To keep moving. So I run, to keep moving, to keep living.
All the battles, all the triumphs, the lost time, the regrets, the goals, the sweat, the tears, the adrenaline. Every time I lace them up. I run to live."
I got to see Pookie Face when I was going south on Forum today. She was driving home (north) and honked. She said later that she liked my new neon hat. Pookie Face will always inspire the best I have to offer. She's the best thing in my life.

Running Deer Meets Standing Deer

Nike+: 3.06 @ 27:57 (9:07/mile)
Weather: about mid-60s (high was in the 70s today)
Gear: Wore short shorts, a white running shirt and my 1/2 marathon hat. After the chafing issues w/ my water bottle belt on Saturday's run, I bought a bottle to carry with me in my hand. It has a strap and holds about 22 ounces. Worked out nicely.

Ran this one with Posscoon after work. We met at his crib and walked down to the MKT where we headed west. But before we got started, we paused near the water where we found several deer waiting for us. At about the half-way point of my marathon training (week 9), the deer were there to remind me of something. The air was cool and the light was fading. They whispered, "Ever forward, never backward." And in an instant, they were gone.

A Runner and a Wrestler

This is the lower right side of my back. I guess I should have worn a shirt to protect my skin from my water bottle holder. Lesson learned.
Nike+: 12.69 @ 1:53:12 (8:54/mile)
Weather: about 60 degrees

Saturday morning, Dark Horse, Posscoon and I got things going about 9:30 a.m. As anticipated, we re-traced the Columbia Half-Marathon Challenge. My watch indicated that I ran about .24 miles short of the last time I ran this route, but I'm not sure why. I ran the exact same course. I'm going to assume that my pedometer was wrong - perhaps the mud on the Hinkson trail messed things up. With a 1:53:12 time, I beat my previous half-marathon time by a few seconds. Considering that I had no intention to do so, I was quite pleased. I was just running.

I wore the same outfit as last time - orange shorts with skulls, no shirt and my St. Louis 1/2 Marathon hat. Unlike other runs, I took a bottle of water with me in a waist belt. This was both a good and bad thing. The upshot was that I kept somewhat hydrated. The downside was that the belt served as a constant annoyance and rubbed my skin raw. Throughout most of the run, the belt pulled on my gut. I am going to have to come up with a better option/solution. Perhaps I'll carry a bottle, with a strap, in my hand next time.

I'd have to say that I wasn't really looking forward to this run today. My upper legs were especially tight but cardo-wise, I felt alright. At mile number 7, at the top of Old 63, I drank water for the first time and poured it on my head and upper torso. I took another drink and douse later in the run, but I don't remember exactly when I did so.

After the run, as mentioned, I felt pretty good. This was the fourth time in my life that I have run a half-marathon and the best that I've felt after doing so. I was fairly energetic for the next few hours and even took Sly on a walk for more than a mile. Soon thereafter, I crashed on the couch with Mary while watching Goldfinger and slept for about 2 hours. When Abby called and asked me to help her move her coffee table, I somehow managed the energy to do so. Mary and I were quite grateful for her offer to take us to dinner at Hu-Hot.



Yesterday, Mary and I went to see The Wrestler. It was quite good, but also disturbing. The lead role, Randy "The Ram" Robinson, reminded me of my dad. He's a tragic character who elicits both sadness and anger from those near him. A self-induced martyr who brings out the worst in himself, and consequently, feels the consequences - loneliness. When The Ram apologized to his daughter and asked her not to hate him, I couldn't help but think of my dad and similar conversations. A child can be forgiving of a parent, but not forever. Despite his intentions, The Ram's fuck-ups severed a relationship with his daughter. The same can be said of my dad, too. I think they both held low opinions of themselves and sought physical and emotional pain to further the cause. Randy used wrestling as an outlet - getting beat on, stapled with a staple gun, thrown into barb wire, hit with glass and metal objects - all to paradoxically bring comfort to his sense of being and self-loathing. But I can't say I'm indifferent to these types. I will always feel something, whether sympathy or rage, when my dad crosses my mind. The Ram said that he belonged in the ring and that the 'real world' is where he really got hurt. He also said that he was lonely and that he deserved to be so. I believe all of it. The Ram wanted to be a good dad, but he didn't think he deserved to be loved and he made sure his daughter wouldn't trust him. It's a tragic story for all involved.

I'm not exactly sure where my anger originates, but I know that I hold a lot of it. The trick is letting go and not allowing shit to continue to roll downhill. Seen?

When I'm out there running and I'm bored out of my mind, I just keep putting one foot in front of another. There is always a finish line. I'll see you there.

It's Light Outside. That's Strange.

Running Deer and Posscoon (he just got hitched)

Nike+: 3.04 @ 25:32 (8:22/mile)
Weather: about 50 degrees
Because the weather was so nice, I ran with Posscoon - outside stylie. We tried to recruit Dark Horse but he gave us some shit about how he loves the inside track at the Rec. Or was it something about a whip with a female on the end of it? I can't remember.
Anyway, Posscoon and I started running from his driveway. About 1/4 later, we jumped on the MKT trail and headed west. I was curious about how my Nike+ system would work on the trail. Fortunately, it worked perfectly and seems to be calibrated just right. This is good news b/c it means that I'm running about the exact distance that my watch reads.
This was a good run and everything felt to be in working order. We even had daylight.
Nic and I chatted most of the way. He took pity on me and kept things at my pace.
Tomorrow is Saturday which means we have a long run. The upside = nice weather. The downside = 1/2 marathon. We're going to re-trace the Columbia Half-Marathon that all 3 of us have run in the past. I am thinking about taking things a little slower and trying to mimic my goal marathon pace, but we'll just have to see what happens.

Why Run?

Anytime Fitness - treadmill
Nike+: 6.01 @ 52:50 (8:46/mile)
Weight: 173.8 (before) - 170.8 (after)
I intended to run outside today, but b/c I didn't leave work until 6 p.m., I decided to run on the treadmill. I just wasn't up for a cold run in the dark, I guess.
I really don't believe that treadmills are an accurate measure of my effort. I think it's far easier to run outside but I'm not sure why. Although I ran an 8:46/mile, I felt like I was running much faster (I did, in fact, speed up as the run progressed).
As I ran, I imagined myself on the 6-miler that starts at Forum/MKT and continues to Stadium, Providence, Green Meadows and then Forum. Not sure if the imagery helped, but it gave me something to think about.
Training at this point is starting to get a little annoying and a little boring. It's weird to be out there running (whether on a treadmill or the MKT or the streets). It's just me and my thoughts. Running and running and running. I really honor those who do this kind of thing all the time - habitual marathoners. It's not easy or even fun. I wonder why people do it? Maybe I'll try to come up w/ an answer during my next few runs.

Kicking It - Inside Stylie

Nike+: 3.00 @ 25:30 (8:30/mile)
Ran on treadmill at Anytime Fitness. Started out nice and easy at about a 9:30/mile and kicked things up for the last two-thirds, especially the last 1.5 miles.